A few weeks ago, it was perishing hot: this was on the day the big fire started in Bonny Doon. I was with my daughter at the downtown farmers market, and a friend asked me to pick up a bottle of cold water for her. Since the heat was staggering, and my own refillable bottle was empty, I got myself a bottle, too.
I hesitated when picking out a bottle of Glacéau Stupid Smart Water, but it was the coldest one on the shelf, and that's what I sought. The hestitation came from an earlier incident, when I put a closed bottle of their water in my giant tote, and the top slid open just enough to leak water. My make-up bag got wet, and some receipts, but it was nothing fatal.
I drank about half the bottle as we walked up the Pacific Garden Mall, and made sure the cap was "closed" before I slipped it, in an upright position, into my bag. Twenty minutes later, I felt something cold dripping on my leg, and my heart sank.
Sure enough, I looked in the bottom of the dark brown bag, and could see some water pooled up there. I
pulled the bottle out to see that the top had been nudged maybe 1/16th
of an inch, but enough to open the hole for a slow leak.
When I got home, I pulled everything out of the bag. This time, a lot more things got wet, including my wallet, make-up bag, pens, and more. But the wettest thing was my Canon Powershot Pro 1 camera. It wouldn't turn on.
I opened the hatch and removed both battery and Compact Flash card,
and put it on top of a rack on my heater for a couple of days. Several people told me that I
could put it in the oven overnight, but I was afraid to do that.
After three days, the camera still would not turn on. It was deader than Abraham Lincoln. I found the Glacéau Stupid Smart Water website, left them a form submission informing them of this
design flaw. (I find it hard to believe that I would be the single
individual unfortunate enough to purchase the only two malfunctioning
water bottles on the plant.)
This is the intial response (all capitalization, or lack thereof, as received):
dear tana,
thank you for contacting us regarding glaceau
stupidsmartwater®.we are sorry to hear of your experience and the loss of your camera. we have not received any similar feedback concerning our bottles. when pushing down on the drinking spout it will click closed. once fastened properly the cap does not leak, even if the bottle is squeezed.
providing the answers to the following questions will help us to have a better understanding of your experience.
is there any damage to the bottle?
when closing the bottle did you push the spout down until you felt it click securely?
do you still have this bottle?
we would be happy to have this bottle retrieved at our expense. once received, our quality assurance team will be able to take a closer look at the bottle. please let us know if you are interested in having us retrieve
the only evidence in existence of our flawed design that ruined your $1000 camerabottle.if you have any further questions or need more information, please do not hesitate to contact me. you may simply reply to this email or call me at 1-800-746-0087 x 422. I am available monday through friday, 9am-6pm eastern standard time.
thanks again. we look forward to hearing from you soon.
sincerely,
mike
consumer relations representative
glacéau vitaminwater®,stupidstupidsmartwater®, and vitaminenergy®
www.drinkbetterwater.com
1-877-glacéau
As it happened, I had saved the bottle. I let a bunch of family and friends open and close the bottle. One, my husband, is a general contractor with 35 years experience fixing dysfunctional plumbing, and he pronounced the bottle "a flawed design," and said that in no way, shape or form did anything resembling a snap or a click occur on this bottle. It takes very little energy to gently nudge the spout up.
I wrote back to Mike:
Hi, Mike:
This bottle is identical to the other one that leaked in my purse, which is why I was stupid to purchase a second one. There is distinctly NO CLICK: it slides open and closed and does not lock. The top is moveable with a little pressure, so that even opening it 1/16th of an inch is enough to cause disastrous results. I have passed the bottle around to friends and family and asked them if they hear or feel anything click or lock. They do not.
Yes, I still have the bottle. I do not, however, have faith that, if I send it off to you, that I will hear back that I am right and you are wrong. I have the feeling that I will send the bottle and be told that your engineers found it perfectly operable. Why? Because corporations burn people, and I am sadly a huge cynic when it comes to customer service. (The bottle is the one with the serial number I entered in my original contact: PRO050908-00:51C).
Thanks for your response. I am sorry to be a grouch about this, but I just lost half of my ability to photograph, and I am now severely handicapped. (I think I mentioned I am a professional photographer: I write about and photograph farms at www.iheartfarms.com. I am currently applying for a grant that would support this work, and now I don't have a lens that allows me to zoom out. This is Very Very Bad.)
Now what?
Sincerely,
Tana Butler
Shortly after, I received this e-mail:
dear tana,
thank you for contacting glacéau
stupidsmartwater®.we would be more than happy to have this bottle sent back to us at our expense. this would allow us to further investigate this issue.
it would allow us to obtain the only evidence of the bottle that ruined your $1000 camera for mere pennies…which we think is a good business move, not knowing that you have a big mouth and will write freely of your negative experience at our hands, even though we're trying to sucker you in with good manners and all appearances of "helping."unfortunately, without being able to take a closer look at the bottle we will be unable to further assist you.
if you change your mind, we will arrange to have pre-paid postage sent your way. once the bottle is received we will be able to determine if there is an issue with
the only existing evidencethis specific bottle.if you have any further questions or need more information, please do not hesitate to contact me. you may simply reply to this email or call me at 1-800-746-0087 x 422. I am available monday through friday, 9am-6pm eastern standard time.
thanks again.
sincerely,
mike
consumer relations representative
glacéau vitaminwater®,stupidstupidstupidsmartwater®, and vitaminenergy
www.drinkbetterwater.com
So I shipped it off via UPS, with a letter to the "engineers" about the experience, reiterating pretty much everything I've said here, and including my unfortunate cynicism that they would not do the right thing, because I've been burned similarly by corporations before. First and foremost among them, Canon...I switched to Nikon forever when they burned me. (But that is grist for another day. Short story: Canon's customer service, at the upper level, is the seventh circle from hell.)
Today Mike e-mailed me again with the astonishing, surprising, amazing results of testing the water bottle.
dear tana,
thank you for informing us of your experience with glaceau
reallystupidbutcunningsmartwater®.we really appreciate that you have taken the time to send the bottle being discussed back to us. this was very helpful in allowing us to have a better understanding of your situation.
once received the bottle was turned over to our quality assurance team. when pressing down on the spout it clicked into place. there was no leakage from this bottle once the spout was firmly clicked down. additionally, there was no indication of any quality issue or defect with this cap.
that's my story and i'm sticking to it because i really need my job...doesn't the economy totally suck now?we are sorry to hear that your camera is no longer functioning. we will hold onto the bottle in case you are interested in having it shipped back.
we might have meddled with it just a little, and anyway, you can't tell the difference because you couldn't take a movie of the offending spout, because it killed your camera that takes videos. sweet!if you have any further questions or need more information, please do not hesitate to contact me. you may simply reply to this email or call me at 1-800-746-0087 x 422. I am available monday through friday, 9am-6pm eastern standard time.
thanks again.
sincerely,
mike
consumer relations representative
glacéau vitaminwater®,incrediblystupidbutcorporatesmartwater®, and vitaminenergy®
www.drinkbetterwater.com
1-877-glacéau
So. Does anyone want to buy a $1000 paperweight?
This is such a bunch of sh-t, Glacéau. I am not the sort of person who goes into restaurants looking for faults and flaws in the service, so that I'll get comped. And I'm not making up this story: it happened exactly as I've described: two leaking water bottles, and one ruined my only camera with a zoom. I'm not lying, and my friends who tested the bottle know it's flawed.
They've offered to send the water bottle back: of course, I didn't make any unique identifying marks on the bottle that would ensure I'd recognize it again. (Like dripping fingernail polish into the bottom or something, and taking a picture of that.) They could send anything. And they could have replaced the top with a clicking one. (Though I doubt those exist.)
I guess my lesson is: NEVER BUY GLACÉAU WATER. (I don't buy bottled water much: we use filtered water at home, and I refill my bottle with that.) And always listen to that tiny little voice inside that tried to stop me from buying crappy, leaky water bottles. And maybe I shouldn't waste my time expecting corporations to Do The Right Thing any more.
Is it any wonder I'm cynical?
Maybe I'm saving someone else a horrible experience like this one by telling it.
Signed,
One-Camera Owner, Alas
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: "Cynicism is in direct proportion to the number of times our hopes for justice are shatterd. Cynicism is the result of countless heartbreaks and betrayal." — Tana Butler
Thanks for visiting. NO GLACÉAU.
I feel your pain.
And I won't ever, ever buy their water... just so they writhe in pain, as we strike a blow!
Posted by: Natalie | 15 July 2008 at 03:44 PM
Another reason to boycott Glaceau! I used to drink Vitamin Water all the time until that... Sorry to hear about your camera and all the corporate idiocy on their part.
Posted by: bexn | 16 July 2008 at 12:05 AM
I am so, so sorry, Tana. :-(
Losing your camera to a leaky water bottle is heartbreaking.
Sending you a big hug.
Posted by: Jennifer Jeffrey | 16 July 2008 at 08:48 AM
Oh God, how awful! No more Glaceau!
Posted by: Love Apple Farm | 26 July 2008 at 10:45 AM
Sorry that happened to you. You should invest in a camera bag! Though that is horrible luck.
Try Diet Coke Plus instead.
Posted by: Kevin | 30 December 2008 at 06:42 AM