Moove Your Ass Out of Here, Evil Marketing Idiots.

I can usually spot 'em coming, but this one fooled me.

Hello! I first found your blog a few weeks ago. I enjoyed your post about the Summer Meadows farm. I am helping MoovetoAmerican.org promote All American products. Thursday we floated our Bovine Barge, a barge with 30 American cows on board, to Ellis Island as a demonstration of our support for American Beef and A&W restaurants which serves only US Beef. I thought you might be interested in seeing the video here:   

http://moovetoamerican.org/index.html <---THIS WEBSITE IS DEAD NOW, as of April, 2008, but you can go to their public press release page here.

Thanks for the great posts!

Rebecca <---- hey folks, that's a LIVE e-mail address! Use it! Use it now!

www.MoovetoAmerican.org
Join the Moovement! Support American Beef.
Mark Your Calendar for June 28th Moovement

Maybe because her name was Rebecca, and I've never met a Rebecca I didn't like. Or maybe it was because she specified a post she liked. At any rate, my radar didn't go off until I clicked the link to MoovetoAmerican.org. Go ahead, click it. I'll wait.

Okay, a short list of offenses. I am wearing my "I Don't Suffer Fools Gladly" hat, so be warned. Some cuss words are coming.

Warning sign #1. Do these cows look happy to you? (And not because they aren't in California.) Do you see shade? Grass? Do cows like being on boats? I'm sorry, you people are ASSHOLES. Start there. (Look at the bozo with the lariat in the middle of the screen. I think he's going to rope the photographer and bash his camera, to spare everyone a lot of embarrassment. Nope, too late.

Warning sign #2. Sponsored by A & W fast food chain. Sidney Feltenstein, A & W, Inc., former Chief Marketing Officer for Dunkin Donuts and Executive President of Worldwide Marketing for the Burger King Corporation. Not someone likely to care about sustainably and humanely raised meat, I'd think. For starters. (Plus, possibly the ugliest, most boring site for a fast food chain ever? Latest edition of the newsletter, December 2005? Hellooooooo?)

More on Mr. Feltenstein:

In 2002, as a Miami resident, he contributed not only $2500 to The pResident of the Very Very White House's Dinner, but $1000 to WELPAC, and supported other Republican candidates for Congress. (You can Google for his other Republican-related contributions.)

Warning sign #3. Even more revealing. You can read an interview with Mr. Feltenstein in QSR "How America Eats" Magazine. And what does QSR stand for? Close your eyes, Carlo Petrini: "Quick Service, Fast-Casual."

Okay, we're talking about EATING, so presumably we're talking about FOOD. One would think. The interview is nearly 4,000 words (3944, I think). And yet it is not until word 378 that a food-related word appears, and that word is "milk." Alas, it does not refer to "a white nutritious liquid secreted by mammals and used as food by human beings."  Rather, it refers to the verb, "milk": "To draw anything from, as if by milking; to compel to yield profit or advantage; to plunder." How appropriate.

And out of those 4000 words, only 34 33  are directly about food itself. And they are:

root beer
root beer
buns, produce
bacon cheeseburger
potatoes
beef
beef
Sizzlean (I decided Sizzlean wasn't food)
chicken
bone-in chicken
sandwiches
plated meals
dinner
sandwiches
lunch
plated meals
hot dogs, chili dogs, chili cheese fries
milkshakes
milkshakes
milkshake

0.00836713995943% (that is less than 1%) of a huge article, and that's how often food appears. On the other hand, look at the number of times Corporate Speak appears:

brand: 30
chain: 18
franchis(-ee,:-or): 34
store: 34
success: 13
daypart*: 2
industry: 7
image: 11
market: 8
sales: 5
product: 11
business: 26
oversea(s): 8
strategy: 6
unit: 10
consumer: 9
concept: 7:
acquisition: 8
grow/th: 20
profit: 8

*I know "daypart" is only in there twice, but it is the quintessential corporate word, referring to the section of the day in which profits are maximized. A & W's strong "daypart" is lunch, while KFC's is dinner. Scary, huh?

Warning sign #4. A&W will deliver the petition to the National Cattlemen's Beef Association as a show of support for U.S. beef. From Source Watch: "The National Cattlemen's Beef Association is the main lobbying group for the US cattle industry." Also NCBA was one of the primary freaker-outers at Fast Food Nation: it was one of the larger "industrial food" sponsors for the Orwellianly-titled "Best Food Nation." [DIVE! DIVE! DIVE!!] And gosh, the members list looks so wholesome (for the most part): beef, pork, poultry, dairy, eggs, milk, turkey, chicken...until you realize the billions of corporate dollars involved in maximizing profits for the greedy bastards who own them. And I don't care how many "friendly faces" they have aboard: for every one you show me, I'll show you a cow in a factory feedlot, or a pig in a metal pen. Or a cow roasting under the broiling sun on a stupid boat in the New York Harbor.

That's quite a lot to take in, isn't it?

Warning sign #5. Who do you think wrote this? And how much do you think they were paid? 

What's it mean to Moove to American? It means supporting the values and ideals that made this country great. It's about taking a stand for what you believe is right.

Do you consider products of the U.S.A a badge of honor?

Then you're ready to step up and show your support.

America, this summer it's time to Moove to American!

Okay, "Rebecca," I'm taking a stand for what I believe is right. I am calling you and Northlich (the ad agency behind the attempt to fool people into thinking they're doing something patriotic instead of something grossly cynical and STRICTLY FOR THE PROFIT OF MEN WHO ARE ALREADY TOO WHITE, TOO RICH, AND TOO POWERFUL) out on this (heh) BULLSH-T.

Readers, do NOT sign that stupid petition. Don't believe anything they tell you.

Here is what I e-mailed to "Rebecca" and the parent ad agency.

Rebecca:

While I don't dispute the sentiment supporting LOCAL food, I am not signing any petition unless it includes "HUMANELY RAISED American beef." I doubt A & W uses anything other than cows who are confined to hell: cement lots, standing in their own feces and urine, and breathing the fumes of that sh-t (literally) all day long.

Until and unless you have a link to "The Meatrix," then I am not signing or supporting anything that resembles a slick marketing effort.

And while the topic of this e-mail may be "Farms," it doesn't really indicate any interest in, or knowledge of, my work. If you had read anything, you would know how important it is to me to eat clean meat that has been sustainably and humanely raised.

I'm afraid this e-mail has has the same effect on me that the one the advertising agency handling New Healthy Mr. Potato Head had. Not good. Really not good.

But thanks for giving me something to blog about. Those cows on the boat, in my book, are not happy cows, and not just because they don't live in California.

I wish I didn't have to say any of this, but I do. In my house, we mute commercials, so we don't have to listen to manipulative liars (aka "advertising agencies") sell people crap and ideas that are useless and toxic. Just like factory-farmed meat.

Ugh!

Tana Butler

And as long as I'm calling out bullsh-t marketers, how about this one I got back in April, from someone who merely calls himself "Dan"?  (It's actually smart, because then people can't Google his full name, like that of "Susannah Phillips" and find out how riled up I got about her transparent attempt to get me to pimp "Healthy New Mr. Potato Head" for Fleishman-Hillard—a multinational ad agency—and the National Potato Board.) Just as "Rebecca" did, "Dan" cites a specific post/photo to make it seem as though he invested more than .034 seconds before making a mental note to "milk" me (ga-hilk) for blog space. Never mind that he doesn't know the difference between a license tag and a bumpersticker.

Hi Tana,

Just checked out your blog. Its [sic] awesome that you are creating awareness about farms! Your photographs are amazing as well. I especially liked the one with the "I heart Farms" bumper sticker and the chicken underneath the car. :)

I contacted you to see if you would be interested in doing a review of this great blueberry based juice called TrueBlue. It tastes like a handful of fresh picked blueberries. So delicious! Its [sic] also all natural, healthy and high in antioxidants. For more information, check out www.trueblueberry.com. I will send samples if you are interested.

Let me know!

Thanks,
Dan
———————————
[email protected]

My response to him:

Hi, Dan [No Last Name]:

Where is the word "organic" on the label?

The awareness I am creating about farms is about sustainable, organic farms, not foods grown with pesticides that cause the very cancer that the antioxidants are supposed to help with. Blueberry pesticides are causing problems with Atlantic salmon in the Northeast, for starters. (Pesticides that lodge in animal fats are concentrated.)

And the Blueberry Lite version contains Splenda (sucralose). There is plenty in the news about the uproar over Johnson and Johnson's claims that Splenda is a natural sugar. I know better. I stopped buying it myself last year.

I see that both drinks contain "fruit and vegetable juice": how do I know if any of those are from the USDA's list of the most contaminated fruits and vegetables? Did you know that the Blueberry Council doesn't even have the word pesticide on their website?

I've been approached by the seemingly sincere marketing arms of various companies before, and frankly, being a woman who mutes television commercials, I bristle intensely when I encounter certain language on products, and in their press releases. "All natural" on a label is virtually meaningless, at least to someone who knows what is allowed to be defined as natural, fresh, or healthy.

At least you didn't send me a wagonload of the kind of crap that one unfortunate woman did [ed. note: SUSANNAH PHILLIPS!!!] in November. wanting me to promote (I am not making this up) "new Healthy Mr. Potato Head."

It kind of makes me dizzy to read things like this.

Thanks, but no thanks,
Tana Butler

Well, at the end of the day, these people can tell themselves, "Even bad press is press." Right?

Ri-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-ight.

EDIT: I am posting this the next morning. I went back to the BestFoodNation website to look at the "friendly faces" they use to spread the message that factory farmed meats are, you know, clean and safe and "protecting the environment" (that's a direct quote from the second guy, "Chad Ellingson"). I AM APPALLED TO SEE A LOCAL RESTAURANT MANAGER ON THE WEBSITE. It's true! In the second row, third from the left, the guy with the glasses, is "Michael Scanlon," who manages the Shadowbrook restaurant. Of course, leave it to BestFoodNation to lie: Shadowbrook isn't in Monterey, not even close. It's barely a mile from my house, in Capitola. (How do we know this? Because the website is Shadowbrook-Capitola.com.)

I am mortified and ashamed that a restaurant in Santa Cruz would be pandering to a group of big lobby agribusiness evildoers like this. I often say about Santa Cruz that "we can think for ourselves." I realize that there are mindless and ignorant people among us, and here is proof. Well, Shadowbrook isn't really a foodie's destination at all—it's for tourists who believe hype. I'm Yelping about it, and warn people to beware: they're likely to be serving Tyson chicken and worse.

Shadowbrook's a very pretty place, with gardens and a lovely view. The tourists love it. Bob Dole loved it.

But remember that scene in Brazil, where Katherine Helmond goes into the fancy restaurant, and the menu is presented to her? It's backlit photos of glamourous food, and she points at the dish she'd like. When it arrives, she doesn't even notice that it's three scoops of green glop on her plate. She fawns and moans about how delicious it is, and intones, "Give my compliments to Jacques!" (the chef).

This is just one step up from that.

They'll figure it out soon enough, when they see their web stats. And when they see my one-star warning on Yelp. SHAME ON YOU, MICHAEL SCANLON!! Not only for lying about where the Shadowbrook is, but for pandering to, what's the technical term? Oh yeah, GREEDY BASTARDS.

BOYCOTT SHADOWBROOK.

• • • • • • • • • • •

Don't get me wrong: I'll try freebies and read new books....but don't believe anyone who promises you a copy of Molly O'Neill's book, Mostly True: A Memoir of Family, Food, and Baseball. And don't make me name names.

• • • • • • • • • • •

I've got more good news, but I think it's best to give it a post of its own. (See, "Dan"? That's how to use apostrophes!)

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: The incestuous relationship between government and big business thrives in the dark." — Jack Anderson

Thanks for visiting...but you marketers, you go 'way!

Comments

[matt]

fucking brilliant.

[Podchef]

Great job ferreting out these weasels.

The NCBA has nothing to do with the 70% of American Beef Producers who do 90% of the work but get 20% of the credit and profit. They are out for themselves and the Corporate Factory Feedlot Beef Mentality.

The majority of beef producers in America have only 30-50 head of cattle, many quite a few less. While not Organic or primarily sustainable they are at least not Factory Farms. Check out R-Calf for more information on independent Beef Producers. More Farmers and Ranchers and Consumers need to join R-Calf to stop the NCBA from manipulating the media like it does. Also the NCBA is behind National Animal ID big time. They want to drive every small, independent farmer and rancher out of business by what amounts to a tax and license to farm. NAIS is just plain evil and stupid. The greedy pigs who thought of it should be hung out to dry.

Sure we need 100% American Beef on American Plates! We don't need imported beef to feed our country, which is why we need Country of Origin Labeling. With COOL, consumers would know they weren't buying American foods. Better yet, everyone should just buy locally from farmers they can know and trust, where the money is kept in the community and the farmers' own pockets. You can't get much more COOL than that! And No NAIS required.

[kelly]

Let em have it, Tana! I'm a copywriter in a marketing department for a big toy company, and let me tell you, those marketers speak not one word of truth. Not one word. It's all spin, spin, spin...thus I seek a new job.

What amazes me is how many people get these emails and offers and just gleefully post them to their blogs, taking it all at face value. We need to THINK!

[GG Mora]

You're so cute when you're mad. ;)

But seriously, this is the stuff you do best.

[malika]

That was a great "right-on, sister" post, up until "That's how to use apostrophes!" Then all my righteous indignation dissolved in giggles! :)

[Nancy]

You go girl!!

Nancy

[Federico]

Very good comments!!!

[deliberately]

Tana,
Brilliant tirade. I'm getting more and more messages from ad firms as well trying to use the blog to shill some product or other. Keep the scope clear and continue to pick them off as they come.

We've got enough BS coming out of Washington -- these blogs need to stay pure to their intent or there won't be anywhere to go to get the real deal.

[Offalboy]

poor cows, if their anything like me they would have been seasick, but i guess 30 puking cows would have made for for a pretty good viral ad against fast food, not for it :)

cheers

[Liza]

What Mora said.

[Destin Joy]

I received a message from Rebecca and wrote back a similar request as well, asking her to confirm that they support family farms with pasture raised animals. Thanks for taking the time to educate all of us on what they're really up to.

[Brian Pearcy]

Hello,

I've been browsing your website tonight. Thanks for promoting farming.

I grew up on a farm in Missouri in the 70's. We raised beef cattle, corn, wheat, and had a market hog operation.

I noticed that one of your articles provides a link to pictures of pigs in confinment buildings. I am not sure whether you've ever worked on a hog farm or not, but I have.

My dad started out "free ranging" our hogs in a wooded area. After a few years, he moved everything to a confinement system. In my experience, we lost more hogs to predators and bad weather in the free range methodology than in the confinment operation. For farrowing, the metal crates actually help protect the piglets from being mashed by their mothers. We used to use 8 x 8 farrowing sheds for awhile and experienced a lot of dead piglets from the mothers rolling over and mashing their pigs. From my experience, farrowing crates are a good thing.

I suspect you'll disagree, but I've seen both sides and while both methods have pro's and con's, in my experience fewer piglets are lost to farrowing than to free range and the "open" farrowing sheds.

[Chris]

I don't know why you get all worked up about Michael Scanlon both here and on Yelp. If you listen to the audio he says that he lives in Monterey and at no time does he say that Shadowbrook is in Monterey, as if such a mistake would even matter that much.

[Tana]

The BestFoodNations website claims that Shadowbrook is in Monterey. I think it's deliberate, to imply more a tonier element than actually exists.

One man's "getting worked up" is another woman's righteous indignation and disgust at someone at an allegedly reputable restaurant fomenting ties with the utterly corrupt allies of BestFoodNation, who condone animals standing in, and breathing the fumes, of their own shit all day. And night. And confining animals in the proximity of other dead and diseased animals.

Since a lot of people care about humanely treated animals, not to mention the desire not to consume toxic and stinking meat, I have an audience of like-minded supporters...and some people who remain in the dark and think Shadowbrook is doing a good business because of the "quality" of their food.

I'm a whistleblower, and I don't intend to stop.

Enjoy your meal at Shadowbrook!

[Chris]

I don't get it. Where does it claim that Shadowbrook is in Monterey. All I see is a graphic that says:
Michael Scanlon (Name)
Shadowbrook Restaurant (Employer)
Monterey, California (Person's Hometown as he states in his audio clip)

The same as
Janet Riley (Name)
American Meat Institute (Employer)
Silver Springs (sic), Maryland (Person's Hometown as she states in her audio clip)

As you might know the AMI is in Washington, DC. Are they lying about that as well since Silver Spring is "tonier" than DC? Or have they just been consistently listing the person's hometown and not location of employment and you misread such and made a big fuss over nothing.

http://www.meatami.com/Template.cfm?Section=EmailUs&Template=/GuestComments.cfm

Your attitude to a simple observation has lost you one former reader. I'm sorry that you can't communicate with anybody, even someone who generally agrees with your overall goals if not attitude, who should dare question your accuracy.